


Unseeing

by neverbepractical (mirobug)



Category: Naruto
Genre: And as if somehow Gai's efforts didn't wreck his legs, As if Obito giving Kakashi double sharingan had lasted, Blind!Hokage!Kakashi, Blindness, Friends to Lovers, Gai is his bodyguard, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, There will eventually be a little angst so I'm going to tag to be safe
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-01-08
Updated: 2015-08-16
Packaged: 2018-03-06 16:53:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,627
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3141791
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mirobug/pseuds/neverbepractical
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>'unseeing, adjective: with one's eyes open but without noticing or seeing anything.'</p><p>Without another word, the Hokage slid the uppermost sheet of paper across the desk. Gai approached, picked it up and barely had the time to read a few words before-</p><p>“I’m going blind.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't written fanfic for about four years, but this has been kicking around my head for a while and I just wanted to get it out, so I hope you enjoy! 
> 
> (For anyone who wishes to follow the often updates I post as I write more for this, my tumblr is chidoreos and my twitter is mirobutt.)

“You wish to see me, Lord Hokage?”

Kakashi wafted a hand to beckon Gai closer as he pored intently over the muddled papers on his desk. Gai chuckled, hands on his hips as he regarded his usually so lazy friend. This job certainly was a strange one - all that power and yet Kakashi found himself readily able to be just as lazy as he wished.

“I see you are hard at work! I do not wish to interrupt while you are on a roll, I can return later if you need-“

“No, Gai. Stay. I have something important to discuss with you.”

Gai’s chest puffed up, bristling like a peacock with the pride of having Kakashi include him in Hokage business. Even if it was just a mission or an errand, Gai was honoured as always that Kakashi had picked him. Without another word, the Hokage slid the uppermost sheet of paper across the desk. Gai approached, picked it up and barely had the time to read a few words before-

“I'm going blind.”

Gai looked up at his friend for a moment and then back down again, skimming the words as if looking for the punch line to this awful joke. He could recognise Lady Tsunade’s handwriting straight away, the way the strokes of her brush dipped and fell in a messy kind of order; messy, yet defiant and certain. Somehow he couldn't bear to read it all properly, instead picking out certain phrases – _deterioration, overworked, sharingan, failure_ – that told him all he needed to know.

“I understand!” he cried, whipping a thumbs up out of nowhere as he cast the medical report onto the table in what he’d intended to be a nonchalant manner. It was as though the paper had burnt him.  
“You wish to send me on a mission to find a cure! No need to worry, rival, you can count on me!”

“Gai-“

“I have the perfect remedy in mind! All I’ll need is-“

“Gai, listen...”

“Alright, then perhaps the medicine balls I prepared for Lee? Those are sure to get you back to your full recuperative might, and then Lady Tsunade can-“

“Gai!”

Gai quietened, hand frozen in a fist of determination. Kakashi had put the tips of his fingers to his forehead, shielding his scarred eye as though it still needed an eye-patch. The nostalgic view almost made Gai smile... but the man looked troubled, so his expression remained firm and resolute; professional.

“I didn’t summon you here to send you on a mission.”

Gai’s fist dropped. Kakashi’s hands were shaking.

“I called you in here to break the news to you first. I’m going blind. There’s nothing to be done.”

Kakashi finally looked up at his friend, and when he did Gai saw that his once so vibrantly red dual-sharingan eyes were now skimmed with white.

“It’s too late.”


	2. Chapter 2

Broad fingers pressed over his eyes, leaving Kakashi completely at the mercy of the force at his back that weaved and pushed him along an unseen route.

“Gai,” Kakashi sighed, not for the first time. “Where are we going?”

“Kakashi, please have patience.”

He could hear the smile in Gai’s voice.

The man had only respectfully insisted that his schedule for the night stay open, so Kakashi had no idea what was in store for him. For one usually so obvious with his feelings and intentions Gai had managed to keep this particular excursion impressively hush-hush; not even Kakashi’s strategically placed ninken had caught Gai off guard.

Perhaps he had another challenge in mind? Something silly to lighten the mood... or maybe he’d made dinner for them both, or brewed Kakashi’s favourite tea? That would be nice.

There had been a strange aura in the village as of late. Gossip travelled fast despite numerous efforts to keep the news contained, and soon the whole village was aware of the state of their Hokage. Quiet mutterings and awkward smiles were becoming all too common and Gai, of course, had been one of the first to pick up on the effect it was having on Kakashi.

Kakashi smiled thinking of all the times Gai had challenged him to take his mind off current affairs. Despite being in a time of peace, respite was still difficult to find and even harder to keep, but Gai had always been there with some grand announcement to keep him from wavering..

Without full concentration he stepped slightly out of sync and almost caught his feet with Gai’s. If it weren’t for his balance they’d both have been sent tumbling toward the floor, but he steadied himself just in time to avoid any accidents.

“How about letting me see so I can walk without tripping over your feet?”

“No, Kakashi!” Gai’s voice rang out a little too loud to say he was only stood a few inches behind the other man. “I want to make sure you do not waste this!”

“I’ll be deaf as well as blind soon if you have anything to say about it.”

Gai seemed to have ignored Kakashi’s quip in favour of steering him to the left, taking him further into the catacombs of the village. They descended some stairs, turned a corner and the wind that had been previously masking any scents but that of civilian life and general greenery blew the unmistakable scent of barbecue their way from down the street. It smelt fresh, like fire and charcoal.

“Are you taking me to dinner?” Kakashi asked in a quietly suspicious voice. This seemed like a lot of effort just for a dinner date.

He heard Gai chuckle before he spoke up again. “Not exactly.”

His stomach seemed to growl with disappointment at that, but the scent gave him another clue. There were a few barbecue restaurants dotted at various points about the leaf – he knew this because he’d sampled them all – so from there he could easily work out the possible route they were taking.

“That’s a shame, I could eat...” he muttered as he lightly touched the back of one of Gai’s hands as if to lift it up to check the identity of the restaurant, but Gai was vigilant. His hand didn’t budge, and he scolded Kakashi with a loud “I said **patience**!”

Like a guilty puppy, Kakashi lowered his hand and stayed quiet for the short remainder of the journey. He still, however, kept his ears and his nose alert to their surroundings for any telling signs of their target location. He wasn’t so keen on surprises due to a practical way of thinking; he preferred to be on top of any and all situations, in control and comfortable. Gai hadn’t exactly said this was a surprise, just that Kakashi was to wait and see, and that seeing anything beforehand would be a waste... So he didn’t feel too bad about trying to sleuth the solution out before it came to fruition. Gai hadn’t said he _couldn’t_ , after all.

When Gai spoke again, it was only to give Kakashi a commanding warning, "Keep them closed, no cheating!" as he finally retracted his hands. Kakashi obediently obliged, but listened close for any clues as to what Gai might have been hiding from him. True to form, however, Gai was a step ahead. His movements were barely discernible from the shuffling of the trees.

A warm hand took his wrist, pulled him forwards and instantly the scent of salt and tea, of books and dogs wafted over him.

“You wanted to surprise me with my own home?” Kakashi asked as he felt Gai move past him. The door shut behind him with a soft noise, and Gai put a hand to his lower back once more to guide him onwards.

“Partly, though this isn’t a surprise. It’s a gift.”

Kakashi couldn’t help the small smile that pulled his mask tight at Gai’s reassurance that this wasn’t something intended to put Kakashi on edge, and made a small hum of thought at the hint.

"Alright, my friend," Gai announced in his best showman's voice, though Kakashi could tell he was hesitant. "You can look."

Kakashi opened his eyes to find himself standing in front of the desk pushed against one of the plain walls of his bare room.

Countless times he’d been ushered to move out of his sub-standard living space, reassured that he’d be much more comfortable in quarters more suitable for a Hokage... But he’d argued that this had been his home for a good many years and had done him well enough in that time, there wasn’t much point giving him more space if he didn’t need it. Unable to argue with his annoyingly clear logic - not that he’d given them a chance - his ANBU guards were stationed and he happily kept his home. Even with that sentimental affection, however, he hadn’t made any more of an effort to make the place seem more homely. The only attempt was the set of picture frames sitting on his windowsill.

However, as he opened his eyes he saw there was an addition to his tidy calm...

Gai stood before him holding out an arm and gesturing down at the table, upon which sat the unmistakable view of a photo album.

Puzzled, Kakashi moved closer and rummaged in the pocket of his robe for the little small oval spectacles the Kazekage and his siblings had gifted to him to help with his deteriorating eyesight. He pushed them onto his face, and as he did he saw the cover of the album had been painstakingly crafted from thick leather, hand sewn neatly around the brim to create an impressive and sophisticated look. He could recognise Gai’s handiwork anywhere, particularly in the way that each stitch had all the traits of measured, disciplined work; they were all the same size and pulled on the leather with the same amount of tension, even and clean.

He opened the cover.

Inside, each image was laid out neatly across the pages, dotted here and there with scribbled inscriptions of handwriting he could instantly recognise; Iruka’s uniform letters in a jagged paragraph that looked more like a ‘See me after class’ note than a heartfelt message, scribbles from various others around the village, from Tsunade, a page taken up for Naruto’s haphazard scrawl that eventually derailed into a written argument between his hand and Sasuke’s swooping penmanship, a note from Sakura, doodles from Sai, Gai’s unmistakable bold print staggered between pages, titling and commentating on every image…

Pictures of fallen friends, of his father, Obito, Rin, his sensei, all stared back at him from between beaming images of his thriving friends, long shots of Konoha, of his ninken, of the tree overlooking the bench where he liked to sit and read.. Every place and face Kakashi could recognise as his home was pictured in the album, decorated by the lives of his comrades.

He looked up to Gai, who was crying. Go figure.

“I couldn’t decide what you might- might w-want to be the last thing you see!” he bawled like an infant, his tan face turning red as his tears poured. “So I put it all in one place!”

Kakashi’s eyes melded into dual crescents of happiness as he smiled and Gai smiled too, honest and bright despite his weeping eyes and runny nose.

“Thank you, Gai.”

Gai’s smile got a touch wider to reveal glinting white teeth, and he raised a hand to give Kakashi an energetic thumbs up that kind of lost it’s might what with Gai’s tear-stained cheeks. The silver-haired man glanced down again, his fingers brushing over the pages of the book as if touching the words would better commit them to his memory.

“This is excellent work, Gai; I can’t believe you made this...” That wasn’t technically true – he could believe it, because this was Gai, and Kakashi knew that Gai had many hidden talents as well as being an ultimate taijutsu master, but that didn’t mean he ever got used to these surprises or stopped being impressed by them.

“I cannot take all the credit, Lee helped!”

Of course he did. He could see it now; the two of them scarpering around the village with a camera, snapping at whatever places seemed poignant and ushering various people into writing their well-wishes in the album’s pages... Just the thought made Kakashi chuckle affectionately.

As he flipped through the rest of the pages he saw more handwriting he recognised; Yamato’s heavy handed print with it’s strict neatness, messages from Izumo and Kotetsu that were /of course/ positioned next to each other. He saw messages from the remaining members of the Rookie 9 - loud, jagged handiwork amidst two muted scripts, one tiny and one slanted and slow with too many connectives. He saw a flowery font beside a large, rounded one, with a thread of short, to the point - or perhaps just lazy - words to link them. Finally, he spotted a hearty looking script bracketing a picture of Gai’s team, and had to do a double take when he saw a paragraph that he would have thought was Gai’s handwriting had it not been for the overuse of exclamation points and the signature of one Rock Lee. Was there anything about that boy that didn’t look like Gai? There was even a small paragraph apologising for Lee’s over-enthusiasm written in a messy but controlled hand that he also recognised instantly as Lee’s weary team-mate.

On the very last page sat a snap from the celebration that had been thrown to celebrate the village’s new Hokage.

Kakashi stood in the middle of the frame draped in his blanket-like robes, one of Gai’s arms around his neck and one of Naruto’s about his waist. Naturo was wearing the Hokage hat, laughing with Gai while Sasuke stood at his elbow trying to look as though he weren’t associated with them. Sakura was alongside them pulling Sai closer to the frame as she pointed with glee at the snap being taken, closely followed by Yamato attempting to hide his amusement politely behind one of his hands. Kakashi looked very overwhelmed by all the attention from his vaguely inebriated friends, but he looked happy. Gai had pointed this out in a small note under the picture, calling it his favourite picture of Kakashi.

He looked up at his friend once he was done, closing the album and resting his palm on it’s cover.

“I realise this seems like a goodbye gift more than it does a book of memories, but I wanted to show you physical proof of all the great things you have accomplished, and all the people that care about you. No matter what happens, we will always be there for you, and we will never forget how far we have come with you at our sides.” Gai babbled, his eyes fixed on Kakashi’s, proof of his honesty. Kakashi couldn’t help but flush at the intensity of Gai’s gaze, but out of respect he didn’t avert his glance. He listened, held the look, and nodded.

“Thank you…” he began slowly, as if he was picking his words with great care when in all honesty he was actually just searching for something that expressed the level of his appreciation better than a simple thank you. “You have no idea how much this means to me.”

“But the evening is not over!” Gai announced suddenly, and Kakashi was shocked out of his sentimental reverie enough to tilt his head and quirk an eyebrow. Gai gestured behind Kakashi, and when he turned he saw a bag sitting on Kakashi’s bed, branded with the name of his favourite take out, and filled with what was unmistakably the usual order he and Gai ate when together.

“I brought dinner!”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> woah look, updates!!! its only been seven months. 
> 
> i'm so sorry about this chapter, i really don't like it either. feel free to squint all the way through it, but pls read the notes at the end!

The council chamber was impressive. It’s structure and interior spoke of the strength and importance of the decisions made within its walls... but Kakashi couldn’t help but feel it also imposed a sense of foreboding. The few times he’d been involved before he’d been named Hokage were very few, and even with his face on the mountain he still felt like he better belonged outside the door listening in rather than sitting at the head of the large table... especially when the conversation involved him so personally.

_“What position will this put us in?”_  
“He’s very capable, even without sight.”  
“Sight made him capable!”  
“What’s Kakashi of the sharingan without his sharingan?” 

A murmur of agreement and a few frustrated grunts of the opposite.

_“A capable shinobi nonetheless. He’s mastered thousands of jutsu – that talent won’t deteriorate with his eyesight!”_  
“But how will he use those jutsu if he can’t see?”  
“There are other ways, I’m sure! I once heard of a shinobi who—” 

Kakashi sighed quietly, his pale irises tracked downward as he stared at a particularly deep groove in the table. Gai sat beside him, bodyguard in chief and doing an excellent job of it, but currently deeply distracted. The conversation was supposed to have been one regarding the upcoming Chuunin exams, but when faced with the possibility of Kakashi not being able to see the fighting to fairly judge, the topic had veered off into one that the council had been tip-toeing around for a while now. Everyone knew they would have to talk about it eventually.... Kakashi had just hoped that it would be put off just a little longer, maybe until he couldn’t actually see the looks on their faces, and Gai had hoped in the very least that it wouldn’t be something they did to Kakashi’s face.

_“But who would train him? He isn’t capable of learning by himself anymore.”_  
“He still has basic shinobi training, we could find a specialist—”  
“How do you suppose we’d find a specialist without outing our predicament?”  
“He won’t even be able to walk unassisted, solo training is out of the question.” 

In Gai’s eyes, what made it worse was the fact that they were talking about Kakashi like he wasn’t there, like his impending blindness had supposedly impacted his genius mind and made him incapable of speaking for himself; of forming argument; of explaining how he felt. The amount of assumption and suffocation of Kakashi’s prowess was palpable, and when mixed with the odd look of pity cast in the man’s direction it became something ugly and wrong. Gai’s hands balled into fists on the table, his teeth clenched as his eyebrows creased.

He’d seen those looks before, those looks of shame and sympathy in the face of an assumed weakness. He’d seen them directed at himself when he was five years old and had failed entrance to the academy, at his father for being branded an eternal genin who had cast the same fate onto his son... He’d experienced the pats on the shoulder, the empty reassurances, the devastating lack of faith and belief in his abilities, and it was something he never wanted to see Kakashi experience. Kakashi didn’t deserve this – he was a genius, a master in more than one regard. His rival. And yet those old windbags were talking about him as though he were a child hardly capable of harnessing chakra!

_“Naruto isn’t ready to be a kage yet.”_  
“What about Tsunade-sama?”  
“Don’t be foolish, you know she wouldn’t accept.” 

A loud slam shocked the room into silence. Gai was on his feet with his fist in an impressive dint in the hardwood of the table.

“That’s enough!” His face was firm, and his typically gentle features had morphed into something much more dangerous. Even Kakashi had only seen Gai scowl like that a few times, and the Hokage was momentarily stunned by Gai’s outburst. He put a pale hand on the other man’s wrist – a silent warning, a calm reminder, a gentle reassurance. For a long moment Gai looked like a kettle about to boil over and then he closed his eyes, took a deep breath and lowered his voice to speak again.

“The Hokage is late, excuse us.”

Gai knew it wasn’t his place to speak against anything the officials might discuss because, after all, he was just a bodyguard... but he also considered himself Kakashi’s guard in other ways, and if he could protect Kakashi’s feelings then he most certainly would, no matter the price. He’d been about to cause a scene, but Kakashi had reiterated again and again the kind of manners a person had to keep in the company of the council to keep matters simple, and the last thing Gai wanted was to make things hard for his friend... Especially when things were already very difficult, and heading for darker times. He put a hand to Kakashi’s back, and the man looked up at him with a quietly curious expression, his eyes soft... thankful. Gai smiled as if nothing had transpired, and once Kakashi was to his feet, he walked him out of the room silently, at his back as always.

The room rumbled with quiet mutterings even before Gai had closed the large oak doors behind him, but once they were in contented silence, walking away in the direction of the bridge crossing the shallow stream on the way back to the center of their village, Gai let out a slow breath.

“So, what am I late for?” Kakashi asked, batting the drapes of his robe aside so he could stick his hands in his pockets... Some habits never died, fancy hat or no.

“Ah, my Hokage, that part I admit was fabricated, but necessary! I couldn’t stand to sit there and hear them talk about you like that, as if you weren’t there. They should be ashamed. What happened to respecting the leader of our village, believing that the kage is the strongest of all of us and supporting them because of it?”

“They’re just scared I won’t be able to protect them like I should without my eyes.”

“But Kakashi! You were strong before your sharingan!” Gai flailed an arm out to the side in imploring protest and almost knocked Kakashi over with his vigour. Luckily, Kakashi was used to keeping his wits about him around Gai, and managed to sidestep just in time.

Gai was puffing up his chest, ready to steam roller into some gushy, over-emotional speech about what had just happened... but Kakashi held up a hand to stop him. He would rather forget it and get back to his office. Gai had a wonderful knack for saving Kakashi from his own swirling thoughts, even if most of the time he didn’t realise he was doing it. Had Gai not spoken up Kakashi probably would have let the discussion continue to an end he wasn’t sure of – maybe they’d decide on the spot to have him stand down, or perhaps to enlist a sight-aid to him, someone to patronize him through his last days of vision till he was finally forcibly demoted to a civilian, unable to work or function without eyes that could see... but Gai had stopped it in it’s tracks, given Kakashi an out and given him support... but more than anything, he’d given him faith. It was the faintest string, the tiniest hook, but it was something... and that was all Kakashi needed. Gai was here as he always was, loyal and bright. Truly a blessing, and an excellent friend.

“Don’t worry about it. Let’s get back, I’m starting to get hungry.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> do you ever re-read a fic you wrote and get caught in that weird position of "i like this thing that i've written but i also want to rewrite it all because i'm embarrassed about old writing"  
> because i experienced that feel with this fic but WHO CARES  
> to be honest, all the kind comments i got on the previous two chapters stopped me deleting and reuploading, so thank you all for those ;v; they really helped, and were lovely to look back on. <3 mwah
> 
> upon writing more of this fic i realised that nowhere did i warn everyone that the style is episodic to a point and you all have to put up with boring filler till we get to the interesting stuff. what is organisation.  
> i'm so sorry, but up to chapter 5/6 will most likely be BACKGROUND STUFF and SETTING and whatnot. 
> 
> but, if you're enjoying that then hey, you do you and i'll continue to do me.
> 
> as i said at the start of this thing, pls feel free to follow my twitter (mirobutt) where i talk about how much writing is a pain in the butt.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> have another chapter because i feel bad for just leaving you with Ugly Chapter 3  
> (i'm going to rename ch3 to Ugly Chapter 3 and you must all refer to it as Ugly Chapter 3 from here on out)
> 
> edit: if you noticed what was wrong before, you get a gold star but also, tell noone.

“Gai—”

Kakashi’s voice rang out in the silence, calling for the statue-like figure standing by the door. It was dark without any of the lamps lit, and the room smelt of linen and wood and some dusky scent like sweat or animal fur. He heard the footsteps cross the room, heard their weight on every floorboard as they groaned with the effort of supporting yet another concerned visitor. He was too heavy headed to sit up, and so didn’t move an inch from his lazy sprawl amongst his mess of pillows and blankets.

It was strange, but somehow he felt calm despite his inability to be at attention. Perhaps it was because of that figure standing watch by his door, that man who came when he called no matter the hour or the reason. Gai was looking after him, and that was a greater reassurance than any ANBU guard could have ever been.

“Yes, Rokudaime.”

“......Gai.”

“Sorry.... Kakashi.”

“I can’t open my eyes.”

The footsteps turned to brisk pads of rushed feet, but even so he didn’t feel uneasy. Gai was simply ready to be at his side, ready to follow any instruction Kakashi gave him. He was ready to be whatever Kakashi needed of him. The futon mattress sank with his weight and a warm hand touched his shoulder, encouraging him to roll over. As he complied he saw foggy glowing shapes blossom behind his eyelids... Lights. The lamps. The lamps were still on after all.

He knew not to try and force his eyes open, he knew not to move, he merely lay still and waited.

Those same warm hands touched his face, fingers pressing on his cheekbones as cold water ran across his eyelids, catching in his eyelashes and trickling down his temples like cold tears.

The ointment smelt odd. It wasn’t nice, but it wasn’t repulsive either. It smelt like medicine (which Kakashi supposed was a good thing considering the fact that it _was_ medicine) but also smelt like some sweet treat Naruto might have had sticking out of his mouth as he sidled in late to deliver a report, and when he exhaled the scent that lingered in his senses was a powerful wash of salt and something bitter, something sour.

Tsunade had told them both what steps to take in order for the ointment to work, and Gai had done this so many times that it was becoming second nature. The pads of taijutsu-roughened thumbs pressed gently across his eyes, massaging the ointment into his lids and breaking away the thick sleep that the medicine had generated around his deteriorating irises.

He could hear Gai’s breathing, pushed in steady exhales through his nose, and could practically see his eyebrows set and his mouth pressed into a thin line; the epitome of concentration. Kakashi had seen that look so often when training with Gai, when critiquing Gai’s methods when they were children, when challenging him in rock-paper-scissors or in a staring contest...

For a few moments he forgot where he was, forgot the state he was in, forgot the conditions he was facing and remembered that time. Before borrowed and gifted eyes and before the threat of blindness and uselessness. He remembered the way Gai looked at him with adoration and frustration, and he wondered if Gai would look at him the same way when he could no longer see it for himself.

Gai’s fingers stopped, and the sound of his breathing moved away.

“Are you alright, my friend?”

“I’m fine.” Kakashi answered automatically. It had been all he’d said for months, since the initial diagnosis, and he found himself honestly struggling to conjure up another adjective for the way he a was feeling.

“Can you open your eyes?”

Kakashi pushed himself to sit and raised a hand to wipe away the excess water and ointment from his cheeks before he tilted his head up and opened his eyes and saw—

Nothing.

He saw the dark, splotches of light and muddy colours, but he couldn't make out his hands in front of him, or the man waiting patiently by his side for his answer.

“Well? Kakashi?”

Gai sounded hopeful... Like he did when he thought he'd won a race against his rival, and Kakashi hated to be the one to let him down, but...

He smiled, and shook his head.


End file.
